I was born in the North East in 1987 and grew up with my parents and brother. From an early age I thought something was not right. I was a bit unhappy as a child I grew up in a dysfunctional family fuelled by alcohol and other drugs. By the age of 15 I had tried most drugs and thought it was great, but after a while I found myself in and out of prison on and off different drugs. By the age of 21 I knew my life was a mess; by this time I was selling drugs an involved with crazy people. I wanted out but did not know how so I continued in that cycle for another 4 years. By this time I was a father and in prison so when I got out I decided to change for good, but even with the best intentions I could not stop using and committing crime.
I started going to recovery groups; at first I hated them all those strangers talking about how they felt and for the first time I was really trying to change. One day I went to see my Key Worker and she said have you heard of Oaktrees? I said “no what is it”? She said "a 12 week abstinence program would you be interested" (rehab). I said yes and didn’t really think much more about it until a few weeks went by and I got an interview for Oaktrees. I went and started the next week. For years I did not know what was wrong with me and why I could not stop using drugs, but I was in Oaktrees less than 1 hour and questions I had all my life were beginning to be answered.
I have never looked back since and now i work a 12 step program and it has changed my life. Just for today I have lost the urge and obsession to use drink and drugs and for someone who could never go a day without using it is a miracle. Most importantly I believe I have done this by changing my belief system and as a result my behaviour began to change. Before I could do that I first had to admit I was the problem and I was the only one who could change that.
I am so grateful to have what I have and life only keeps getting better the longer I am in recovery. I went from being an uncontrollable addict living a life of pain, misery and despair and within a short space of time through recovery I found so many good things. I discovered fellowship, joy, hope, family and confidence in my self and self esteem through giving back through volunteering and now support work.
The most important thing I have learned is that I have a choice today and If I do not take responsibility for my life I wont have a life worth having. I am looking forward to the future and all it holds.
One hell of a grateful recovering addict! J
